Gamboge is the color of monks robes, Pink Panther is the color of wildflowers, Aureolin’s color reminds me of a sweet boy on a Sunday afternoon, and Raimy is the color of a girl with a Cancer zodiac and a fondness for the 1970s. I haven’t been here long, but, man, has it been a journey of a lifetime. Coming here, to Animas, has in all sense of the word changed my life; for better not for worse. It came so unexpectedly, but for some reason, deep down I knew I was going to get in. Fate and my personality were on my side, instead of worrying about grades and essays throughout this POL, I’m focused on the growth of the soul and movement of my colors. My color is Raimy, and it is a beautiful shade.
Celebration: normally a word linked to children’s birthday parties and good times with friends; however, celebration can also be linked to the happiness I have experienced. Out of all three of my actions, switching to this school system has to be the one worth celebrating the most. Have you ever experienced such overwhelming change, hate to love, war to peace, me to you? I have experienced such strong emotions when switching to this school, it actually saved my life. Previous to this, I was in an abusive relationship with a man back in Bayfield. I call him a man because he is far from a boy -even though he only came in at the age of 17. Have you ever woken up to bruises on your back, knowing you are a “dirty whore” or “you’re always wrong”, knowing that you can’t be a writer, you can’t be a signer, you can’t be anything that means anything? Tear became as normal as talking a walk, and taking a walk became as normal as screaming at someone until my lungs busted. I have gone through hell and back and I was at such a low point that I believe the only choice was to end my life with a belt in my closet... I spent hours sitting in the grungy closet with a belt in my hand and all I could was cry, because I had never felt like a loser until that point. I thought about my aunts and my uncles, I thought about every beautiful leaf on the ground, every barking dog, every tear my mother had shed for me. Darling, time was passing so slowly at that time, slower than ever; and as I began to see purple and black in my vision, a ripped the belt down and screamed the loudest I have ever. I never told anyone, not until I was broken into doing so… I never knew the meaning of love until I saw every smile on my friends’ faces, I never knew happiness until I woke up and went to Animas instead of Bayfield. Just as you link celebration to parties, and love to romance, I linked abuse to that school system. Some people ask me why I moved away, and all I can say to that is, I needed to put myself before others, and that means smiling everyday, hugging everyone, and caring for people who never did.
Throughout the duration of my recovery, I spent time in therapy and in a home at the hospital, meanwhile, at school, we were assigned a book. My seconded celebration this semester is actually reading and understanding every page of Hermann Hesse’s Siddhartha. Normally, when it comes to reading, I cannot sit still for the life of me; yet, with this book, I could not put it down. I told my therapist about it, and she recommended making it part of my healing process. Now, I can look back and say confidently that I understand the context. The hero’s journey was now my journey, and it still brings me to tears thinking about it. I want to make this book the guidelines of parts of my life, a gold nugget is worth no less nor no more than a stone in the river.
As the semester began to fade away, and it came to the closing of a chapter, I began to look at myself more in-depth. My final celebration can in the form of starting my own manifesto, my own novel. I’m not sure of the title now, but I see lights of moonbeams shining and old men reading it in coffee shops. It’s about kids being adults and hippies with guns. It is violent only when needed, and nonviolent when it probably should be violent. Unannounced to the reader, this book will be based on my social and emotional growth. Every character is based on somebody I love, or somebody I look up to. Shepard Fairey, Susan Baker, Roxy McKnight, each inspiring a character in this tail. As well as that, each character is infused with bits of myself, and I believe that is the strongest part of it all. Each of these celebrations comes close to my heart, warming me, and showing me that I can do things: I will be a writer, I will be singer, and a dancer, and anything that amounts to anything.
Anyone can have room to improve, growth is just a basic human function. From the President to just a little, farm boy, everyone can grow; and, of course, that includes me. Coming from such a strict and emotionally closed off school, Animas was such a change. The teachers came off more as friends than an actual authority, which at first seems good, but it has its downsides. One of them being that I cannot seem to take them seriously, if a teacher told me something that I did wrong, I would almost just brush it off because it doesn’t seem like a real threat to me. It is a different style of learning and teaching here, and I believe a way I could grow is treating it like an education, not a social party. I tend to walk out of class to go exploring or draw instead of writing essays and basically doing what I please for the simple reason that I see no threat and no fear. Going along with that need for growth, I could also work on controlling my emotions. Whenever I’m feeling sad, or something triggered a deep heartache in me, I cannot do my work. I have tried many times to focus on Dan’s words, but tears block that focus, it is hard to learn. However, it can also swing the other way. When I find myself in a situation where I can only focus on love for somebody, like any teenage girl, that’s the only thing running around in my brain. I would like to grow out of this sort of speak, separate my sadness from my work before I end up making my sadness about work and my work about sadness. How do you keep a smile on your face, even though there are so many bad things in the world? This is a question I ask myself a lot, and I hope to be asked one day by the fans of my work. A smile is such a simple gesture of love and happiness. No matter if it is a smile of a monk, for he is content with the world, or perhaps a giant grin of a woman during her wedding; smiles are something that is to be cherished. Every human has the potential to smile, a smile is the first thing people see after all. I have been through so many things in life, but I still smile because I know, even though there are so many reasons to frown, there are even more reasons to grin. Beauty can be seen anywhere, in this school, in these people, in the hearts of my friends, and especially in me. It had taken me awhile to learn how to open my lips and show my teeth, but once I did it made life so much easier. The biggest example of this happiness comes in the form of a club my friends and I came up with. Art Club is my safe space, my sunflower dance, one of the many things that make me happy. It is basically just a group of misfits sitting outside in the park making art; it is beautiful. While some people may not enjoy things like this, it is basically my answer to the question. I keep a smile on my face because there are so many good things in the world.
TPOL Number Two - Hero's Journey
TPOL Raimy Sporl
A fly. Something so small and annoying that it easily gets the trophy for most irritating bug of them all. Yet, have you seen a fly’s glittering ruby eyes? Or perhaps its vexing jade shell? A holder of such beauty, yet flies always seem to set up a bad reputation for themselves, eating garbage n’ all. I am a fly. I hang out with dangerous spiders on back porches. I’ve said I love you to the biggest black widow on the block. Even now I'm staring into the biggest electric bug zapper I’ve ever seen…. A bug zapper called a TPOL.
The summer time is the final closing to my first year at Animas High school, as well as the season of flies. It feels like I’ve been here for years, but I’m still just a guppie in the big picture. Over this year, the more things that happen make me wonder if the hero’s journey does exist. I start to spot these steps and chapters in everything that I do, my life is a story book with lots of bumps and traveling misfits; but that doesn’t make it any less of a book than yours.
The beginning of this story starts with one of the scariest parts I’m afraid to say. I’ll save you the horror story that was last year, but let me tell you it was one hell of a journey. I found that the closing to that chapter, however, was the grand opening to my next one. The abyss of sadness that had been consuming me slowly melted into a gateway to a new land. Purely a call to adventure, and I only had to step through the doors at Animas High school to continue it. Not without my own struggles and guards however. Two people that I could honestly say I love more than myself choked me, beat me, and tossed me aside before I knew I had to get through this threshold. A man trapped in my loving eyes and of course a purple gal with more plants than brains.
I had arrived to a new world I had never flown through before. I buzzed with new kids and of course new freedoms. I think the worst part about coming to a school where you can actually be happy, is that happiness can quickly turn into overwhelmingness. Temptations of body and mind lay everywhere and soon I found myself getting more and more lost in this strange new world. I was becoming the spiders I once feared, leaving my jade skin behind for a red hourglass. I started seeing new people that hurt me and gave my things I never wanted to put inside my body. It's scary how often a 15 year old girl can get a nose bleed while hanging out with those people. Soon, I found myself wrapped up in the arms of a 20 year old man and I was stuck. I could only look him in the eyes and hope that my worlds could untangle me from his web. “Oh you. The Gatekeeper of The Crystal Palace. It's so sad that things keep bundling up like this. And every time we meet we can't even settle with a miss. But I don't mind. You're too confusing anyway.
Oh you. Mister Man of Big Boy Land. Think you know so much about the world and me. However, you are merely a flea. That will never break my tranquility. And that's very sad to me.
Oh you. You broke My Acid Dutchess. She says she isn't mad I guess. But inside I've shot her in the chest. And ripped her veins out one by one. (We all no that's no fun)
Oh you. A Percentage of the World Population. I think I accidently fell in love with you. Never really understanding Abra-Cazoom. Maybe downfalls won't hurt as much. But then again.
Oh you. A Knight in a Shining Car. I miss you here in the square. Now you rest behind all the stages and costumes. Far away from my play. When you were supposed to be the main actor.
Oh you.” Even now I feel the hurt from this stage, but what story would I have without a little difficulty.
Even though I am far, I have yet to complete my hero's journey. This is not a bad thing nor a good one, trials and adventures are happening everywhere it seems. Yet, what lies in the future is much more daunting than any transformation or unforseen calling. What lies in the future is a very import step I seemed to somehow forget it my hero's journey, a step that has seemed to crawl up the back of my neck and is now buzzing rapidly in my ear. The abyss. Something I have faced before, but I'm on a new adventure now. Whilst my old abyss now feels more like a threshold, this new sensation has to be the ultimate mob boss of trials. My teacher recently opened my eyes about this, I was blinding myself with freedoms and the overwhelming need of personal happiness to a degree that the rest of my body was deteriorating. Her words shocked me into realizing that I haven't been cleaning my room, nor have I been doing my homework. I'm ending the year almost failing two classes because I failed to fly high like I did before. My clear blue wings flutter but clearly I'm not going anywhere. What did Ally say to me one might ask? Well that's a long story for a tall girl to tell. For the duration of this week I realized that I have dreams. I have a future, and I'm going to take charge if my own life and keep the balance between my pizza and my leaves.
In the end, this year has been one to remember. I may not have completed my journey, but changing schools helped me close one of my old stories. New friends acted as help, and old ones acted as guardians. Temptations made me see light, and the abyss seems farther away now. The summer is coming, and you know what that means? Flies.